Living Life: My story, my diagnosis.
I’ve decided that being open about my story gives me positives that far outweigh the negatives. I’m not sharing this for attention or pity. This is for my own personal healing and to also tell those I love, thank you.
I’m not usually one to open up about my feelings or anything really personal.
In fact my friends often get at me for keeping things in or not telling them everything. Truth is, I usually like to keep things to myself, those who know me would probably describe me as private.
Those who know, who really know me, know that I love to write. Writing is my outlet for my feelings, my therapy almost. It’s one of the reasons I started this blog. Unfortunately I don’t get much time to write these days. Working full time, being a mobile beauty therapist and general life keeps me busy. However in recent months, my health also got in the way.
As much as I’d like to disclose every tiny medical detail, I still have to remember it is a public blog and I’m still dealing with things myself, the best way I know how.
How it all started…
My job became stressful, I was juggling long hours in financial services plus treating my beauty clients on the side. I was tired. << this was my reasoning and excuse for what was happening.
I woke up on a Thursday morning in April, to be exact. And the vision was gone in my left eye. About 40% of it. I ignored it, I was stressed and tired right? By the Saturday, 80%. I was then in the opticians, from there the hospital. After a long 2 weeks of hell and limited vision I was told I had a blood clot in my eye. After numerous tests that was the only conclusion they gave me, my eye got better, I could see, therefore the blood clot passed.
So I was fine! I took time off work, went on a mini traveling trip across germany and all was well. Then, the same eye went blurry. Another blood clot? Nope, that was unheard of. I had a second opinion from a local doctor who told me she thought it was ‘optic neuritis’
I immediately researched optic neuritis and I seemed to fit the profile a lot more than the blood clot, but the cause of that? Multiple Sclerosis.
MS? Nope, not me. I’m reasonably healthy. I go to the gym, eat healthy..I’m gluten free! I no longer smoke (6 months stint) my only vice is probably alcohol, I am a lightweight though so I probably don’t much as much as you’d think. So why was my health going downhill?
After more and more tests, I mentioned my findings to my neurologist, ironically on the day of my MRI results on my brain which further lead to MS being possible. Three small lesions were found. Whilst my eye was better and I could see again, I was haunted with the upcoming diagnosis.
Deep down suddenly I knew I had MS, all signs were pointing that way. However I was hoping it was something else, so were my close friends and family. The final test was a lumbar puncture, the most painful thing! That test, was positive.
After 7 long months of various tests, tears, temporary loss of vision and confusion, I was finally diagnosed with MS. Multiple Sclerosis.
Although I mentioned above that I had a feeling that was outcome, nothing could ever prepare me for hearing those words. Even as I write this it still hasn’t sunken in. I have MS.
I’m not sure what’s been harder, coming to terms with it myself or telling my loved ones. It was a hard decision to make and my decision only, to be open and honest with those around me.
For one of the first times in my life, I had been completely open with the people in my life about what I was going through and that’s why I want to say thank you….
I’m not going to openly share this blog with my colleagues but if any of them happen to read it. I want to thank them for being the most amazing and supportive workmates I could ever ask for. Not to mention that they bought me Fenty Beauty as a present LOL! But they accepted me needing to take time away from the office to gather my thoughts.
Thank you to my friends and family, you know who you are. The ones I told first, the ones who took me to the hospital when I couldn’t see, the ones who dragged me out of the house when I was in tears and had no motivation, the ones who messaged me daily to make sure I was okay, the ones who just sat with me, hugged me and told me it’s going to be okay. The ones who keep telling me to be positive, because I know you’re right. My mum and sister especially.
I appreciate each and every one of you.
As of now, I’m happy and blessed to say I have no major symptoms, healthwise, I’m okay, my sight is better and from now on it will be a journey. My life is almost starting again, things will be different. However I refuse to let this define me.
I have MS, but MS isn’t me.
Thanks for reading. Sabrina xx
If you’re reading this and you also have MS, I’d love to chat.